Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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