Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
what day is it and did you see me today?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
