just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I love you.
Bad choice
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