Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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