Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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