Is it because I queefed?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
