I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
