Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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