we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
