I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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