i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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