How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
