You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
