stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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