He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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