the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
