i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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