Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
