She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
