still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
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He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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