I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize
