i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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