Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
