Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
