Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Houston, we have a squirter
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
