absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
