he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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