Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
