I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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