I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
