heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
