u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
