I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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