My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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