y did u give ur computer a hand job?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
did i just pee glitter
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
