my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
