i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
