yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
