I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
