You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
