one two three fourrrrnication!
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He better not be in your backpack
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
