if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
