Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I could fuck to npr.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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