Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
