Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Someone came in the potted fern
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
