He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
