i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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