Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
