just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
