you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
