I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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