first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
