Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send help, water and tortillas.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize