He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
