Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
