am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
