Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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