Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
