Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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