I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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