Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
