what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
