What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
