I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
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he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
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he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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