Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
