Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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