did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
