after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize