I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
