Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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